Category Archives: Chit Chat

I’m featured on the Superdrug blog!

superdrug

I’m so over the moon that my blog is featured on the Superdrug Look at me blog. Very humbled to be included in a column that previously featured much more established bloggers such as Lily Pebbles from What I Heart Today. Thank you so much to my readers, this wouldn’t be half as much fun if it weren’t for you.

To be featured, get in touch with @K_Rumble on Twitter.

6 Comments

Filed under Beauty, Chit Chat

Therapy-proof makeup!

IMG_1068

Also known as cry-proof makeup. I haven’t done a mental health related post in a while. Be warned – this is one of those (sort of)!

I guess most people don’t plan ahead if they are going to cry on any given day – unless it’s their wedding day, maybe. Or maybe if you’re someone who cries at the cinema.

However, if you go to therapy on a regular basis (say, once a week), you will learn to plan ahead in the morning when doing your makeup. It took me several years (!) to feel comfortable crying in front of a therapist, but since I got over that, it’s like the waterworks are turned on every time. For me I usually feel like a good session includes a good cry because it means we touched on something important. But that’s just me!

After this overly personal rambling, here are my tried and tested makeup tips for any days when tears are likely.

Eyes:

The waterproof-est mascara: Urban Decay Cannonball. Never once smudged on me.
Eyeshadow that doesn’t get patchy or worse – melts all around your eyes: Maybelline Color tattoo
To hide redness afterwards: apply a nude eye pencil on your waterline, e,g Rimmel scandaleyes in Nude.
If you want to wear eyeshadow, stick to neutral colours and use a primer underneath, such as Urban Decay’s primer potion. Avoid dark eyeliner.

Foundation and concealer:
Admittedly I don’t own anything waterproof or extra long lasting. I also don’t really use primers, but I am guessing they would help keep your makeup in place. I was given a sample of the Laura Mercier foundation primer and will give that one a try.
For foundation, I would say pick a colour very close to your own skin tone so you won’t get light and dark patches. Focus most product in the centre around your nose and sheer it out at the sides. Tears normally run down the sides of your face. Use a setting powder. Have concealer in your handbag to touch up around your nose afterwards, which you will probably have blown a few times.

Lips:
Keep it natural and low maintenance. One of my favourites for that is the Revlon Just bitten kissable balm stain in Honey. OR go for a statement colour that gives you confidence, but put it in your handbag to apply AFTER the session.

Other useful things:
Sunglasses – if you want privacy afterwards
A Boots or Superdrug nearby – 9 times out of 10 I go straight there to browse, swatch and get out of the therapy mood
A diary or personal blog to write down the most important things that came out of the session – You would think that you will remember it all, but I am so grateful to be able go back and read over things months or years after.

6 Comments

Filed under Beauty, Chit Chat, Heart to Heart

Welcome to my YouTube channel!

The new channel design on YouTube now lets you upload a trailer for your channel page that is only shown to non-subscribed users. I put mine together using the iMovie app on my iPad, which was great fun.

Have a look for a brief introduction to my channel – it’s only a minute long!

3 Comments

Filed under Beauty, Chit Chat, Videos

This week in Instagram #2

20130331-160034.jpg
I discovered Frozen yoghurt this month at Selfridges.

20130331-160256.jpg
I bought my first Jo Malone perfume at the flagship store – French lime blossom

20130331-170318.jpg
Seeing The Audience in London – before the show

20130331-170548.jpg
Helen Mirren signing my friend’s programme with my new Eyeko skinny eyeliner

20130331-170653.jpg

20130331-170729.jpg
Art deco heels seen at Zara for £49.95.

20130331-170819.jpg
Simnel cake and tea with the girls on Easter Sunday

Leave a comment

Filed under Beauty, Chit Chat, Fashion

Heart to Heart: Scars

Today I would like to write about something personal. If you would rather read about product reviews and makeup tutorials, stop reading now.

My left forearm is covered in a number of scars. These come from a period in my life when I was very unwell. I was diagnosed with and treated for depression. When I was a teenager, I read about self harming in a magazine. I then made a big mistake – I tried it. To me it is not unlike smoking or drugs, even though I have never tried those. It is highly addictive. Do not think that you can do it once and that will be it. For many people it turns into a big part of their life that may never fully leave them.

Anyhow, this post is not about the cons of self harm. I just wanted to make it clear that I wish from the bottom of my heart that I had never tried it.

What I wanted to write about is the good old topic of accepting your imperfections. My left arm will never be perfect again. It will be revolting to some. It can be a trigger for judgment and stigma. For a long time I thought that I would have to hide my scars for the rest of my life. I started to hate shopping. All these three-quarter length tops that I couldn’t buy anymore. I bought an awful lot of shirts and blouses during that time. I went to parties with long evening gloves. I thought that I had no choice. I just couldn’t bear the thought of people looking at me and seeing what I had done to myself. And by people I mean my friends and family. I was sad and angry with myself.

During a family holiday I strained my back in the shower very very badly. I could hardly move without sharp pain shooting through my body. I was in a hotel with my parents and my brother. My mum is a physio therapist. She could have easily treated it. But I couldn’t let her. I couldn’t ask her to take off my shirt. So I didn’t tell my family anything. I went to breakfast with them. I have never gritted my teeth so much before in my life. I had to move so so carefully so I wouldn’t flinch or cry out, yet I had to appear as if nothing was wrong. My mum asked me three times if I was ok. I lied and said yes.

This is to show you how far I was willing to go in order to hide my imperfections.

Things have changed. Most important of all, I got better and I got ‘clean’. I stopped. My scars began to fade. It was still very nervous about showing them. I still am, to some degree. But I am getting better at accepting my scars as a part of myself that isn’t all that horrible. I will never be proud of them. I will never show them off. But if it is a warm day, I will take my cardigan off. I roll up my sleeves again when I do the dishes. I take my hoodie off in dance class after the warm up. Small steps that feel like I am getting huge chunks of freedom back. I feel a lot less sad and resentful.

So although this blog is mainly about things that help you look more beautiful, we all have our imperfections. Many of them won’t be self-inflicted like my scars, but some may be. Either way, I am starting to learn that it is ok to have them.

P.S.
There is one rule I still live by. I will cover my scars around children and young people. I once copied some teenagers in a magazine. I don’t want anyone to copy me.

I made a video back in the day when I was blogging mainly about mental health about how to treat self harm scars so they fade quicker. If you are interested you can watch it on my YouTube channel.

7 Comments

Filed under Chit Chat, Heart to Heart

When I met Andre Leon Talley

I thought long and hard about whether or not I should post this post. I feel like there is still stigma around when it comes to mental health. But with the Time to Change adverts on TV all the time, a lot of effort is going into campaigns making it more acceptable to talk about personal mental health issues. Anyway, this isn’t even the topic of this post. This post is about the time I met Andre Leon Talley.

Andre Leon Talley

He gave a lively talk about his life and career – his work for fashion magazines including Vogue, and for Andy Warhol. Not a single mention of America’s Next Top Model, even though I am sure most of the audience (and me) knew him through that.

Afterwards he took the time to answer questions from the audience. He complimented a lot of the girls asking questions on their outfits, which was cute. Anyway, I had a sudden idea for a question and got up. They passed me the microphone. I said –

Last year I was really unwell, and I ended up in a psychiatric hospital. I took my favourite dress, a beautiful summer dress. I didn’t wear it at first, but then I thought, whatever, I am just going to wear it! So I walked up and down the ward in my dress – until my therapist told me she thought I had a personality disorder because of the dress. She thought I was histrionic – attention seeking. So I stopped wearing the dress. Could you think of a good response to my therapist?

I don’t know what he said first. My face felt very warm and I was shaking. But he then said – wear the dress. And told me I had lovely hair.

Later when I went to take the picture with, he said again that I should wear the dress.

The dress I was talking about was this by the way. A jersey maxi dress from Monsoon. I wear it all summer because it is so nice and comfortable.

dress

I felt very exhausted afterwards, but also somewhat empowered. I had gotten over my shame and literally stood up for myself. I had been open and honest and myself in front of my peers.

For the record – I went to hospital to get a lot of psychotherapy over a short space of time, so I wouldn’t miss too much work. I went voluntarily. I wasn’t sectioned and it wasn’t a closed ward. That one was next door.

8 Comments

Filed under Beauty, Chit Chat, Heart to Heart

I sew to stay sane

This article appeared in Issue 12 of the wonderful Oh Comely Magazine. It was my first piece of writing to ever get published.

I had my first therapist at 15. I took my first antidepressant drug at 23. I bought my first sewing machine at 24. That was two months ago.

My counsellor refers to depression as “that big black dog.” I know that dog pretty well by now. Being depressed is not the same as feeling really sad. Apart from the low mood, there is anhedonia—the inability to experience pleasure. It becomes hard to find anything that excites you or makes you feel good. I stopped dancing, going out with friends, going to lectures. It became difficult to think of a reason to get out of bed in the morning. But then for some reason or another, I got excited about making my own clothes.

The first fabric I ever bought was a gorgeous dark green silk. A tiny local haberdashery shop was holding a temporary silk sale. I thought the opportunity was too good to miss. I hadn’t even ordered a sewing machine yet. I went online and looked for free patterns—very tricky. Eventually I printed off an A4 drawing of a 50s-style dress and took it to the shop. The lady selling the silks spent a good half hour trying to figure out how many metres of fabric I would need for the dress I was vaguely referring to.

One thing I love about sewing is that it allows me to connect with my mum. I told her about the depression and the drugs last Christmas, and ever since it felt awkward to talk to her. It was as if the black dog was in the room, whether we acknowledged it or not. But then I got the idea to learn how to sew, and suddenly we had loads to talk about. I showed her various patterns I was considering. She thought they were all too difficult. I had no idea it was harder to sew a neckline with corners than a round one.

In the end, I ordered a pattern for a fitted sleeveless dress. I didn’t want to ruin my beautiful silk, so I bought a purple Primark sheet to make a practice dress. Armed with a big book on sewing and the instructions that came with the pattern, I gave it a go. It wasn’t easy and I got stuck at times, but with the help of my mum gesticulating via webcam and googling lots of technical terms, I managed to produce a wearable garment.  I have made three dresses so far and I already have the fabric to make three more.

I guess it’s a coping mechanism. The day before a dreaded psychiatric evaluation, I sewed for six hours. I only took a break to eat when my hands started shaking. Then, the other day, I had spent the night sleepless with the black dog, and only made it from my bed to the sofa around three in the afternoon. At five, I made myself set up the sewing machine, even though I didn’t feel like it. But then I started to sew, and kept sewing. When my housemate came home in the evening, he was relieved to be greeted by the familiar rattling sound. His words were, “I was getting seriously worried about you. But now I know you are alright.”

3 Comments

Filed under Budding Dressmakers, Chit Chat, Heart to Heart