*No beauty or make-up in this post, just mental healthchit chat*
Every now and then I come across something that reminds me of the year I spent in depression. That year ended, maybe 8 months ago. Plus minus 3. Sometimes it’s a song I used to listen to at that time (Most recently: Cher – You haven’t seen the last of me). Sometimes I get an accidental stab into one of my old wounds and I am reminded how much they used to hurt. Sometimes there is a bit of bleeding, but I’m able to get it under control. Sometimes I look at the physical manifestation of my scars and remember how I got them. Other times it’s a piece of clothing I bought during that time. Like my mustard yellow scarf with a bird pattern that I bought while in hospital.
And then I think about where I am in my life right now. How different it is.
Like, this week I worked really hard, probably the hardest since I got better. I felt dedicated. I wanted to do it. My goodness, having the energy and enjoyment for what you are supposed to be doing makes such a difference. Sometimes I just walk down the street and realize that I feel light. I feel happy. No anhedonia (inability to experience pleasure). No dysphoria (chronic low mood). I can’t tell you how amazing that feels.
All my therapists had one big worry in the end. That I would be an eternal patient. That I would never be able to let go of that. Why on earth would you do that? Because that is your Number 1 identity. Because you think you deserve it. Because of the care and attention. Because someone acknowledges that you are hurting. Because it is a manifestation that somethings in your life went wrong, or is still wrong. Like spending your adulthood with mental illnesses to show everyone how wrong things went in your childhood. Like that hurts anyone other than yourself. I remember being released from hospital and feeling paralysed with fear that they might be right. That I might never let myself get well.
Only time could really prove this wrong. I think it did. I will never take this for granted. Sometimes I feel so much gratitude that it makes me cry a little. I know I will slip. Life will slip. But that doesn’t matter, because I am excited for it. I want to live. I am up for this. Life feels so good right now.
And then there is the miracle of my relationship. Just to give that a sneaky mention.
A year ago I was in hospital. Today I am happy.
To be well is incredible. Thank you everyone who helped me get there, or simply stuck around.
We all have these items at the back of our head that we swoon about owning, that we swatch again and again, that are just a little too expensive to just buy on the spot or that you really don’t need because you already have two other mascaras currently open – But there is nothing wrong with compiling a little list, just in case… I tried all three at the same time (some for the 2nd time!) recently in Selfridges:
Giorgio Armani Rouge d’Armani in 511
This is my perfect everyday lipstick. A muted pink with a hint of coral. I had a makeover at the Armani counter a while ago (I asked to try the luminous silk foundation and the make up artist got a little carried away – I didn’t complain). She chose this colour probably because it was the precise colour of my dress. I have since applied this lipstick again in Selfridges and am desperate to own it. The formula seems superb – long lasting without being too drying or fading in a patchy way. Creamy, opaque colour. Also, I haven’t seen this particular shade in a long lasting formula. Any dupes out there? At 25 pounds, I just can’t bring myself to buy it – yet.
Illamasqua Skin base foundation
I don’t really wear medium to full coverage foundation. But if I were, this would be my choice. The pixiwoo sisters love it, and who wouldn’t trust them? I had it applied to me in Selfridges, then had my eye makeup done at Lancome. The girl there immediately asked me which foundation I was wearing and said that my skin looked great. It gives a flawless finish, in the most natural way possible for a decent coverage foundation. No SPF, so great for formal events with flash photography, and a huge number of warm, medium and cool toned shades (I was matched to 8.5). Available at Selfridges and Asos for 27 pounds.
Illamasqua Cream blush in Rude
At matte, bright, peachy coral cream blush – what more can you want? Available at Selfridges and Asos for 18 pounds. See swatches at Amarixe’s blog. It may look a little intense in the pan, but the make up artist applied only a subtle wash of colour to my cheek so I am assuming it’s pretty buildable.
Do you own any of these products? What’s on your beauty wishlist?
I got this idea from joannaloves, check out her really cool beauty blog!
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Found these in a charity shop during my lunch break
Macaroons from Laduree, brought from France by our house mate
Today is silly headband day!
Ready for a night out in London with Anna – whooo!
Mini egg nails – Illamasqua speckle!
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I’ve been looking of beautiful make up looks to use as inspiration for make up looks. Celebrities on the red carpet are a good source, but I find that they rarely experiment with more unusual, creative looks. Which is understandable! However, Vogue covers are an endless source of inspiration, and I’m not just talking about recent editions, but for decades back.
Here are some looks that stood out to me. Let me know what you think of them and do submit more covers!
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